to my 2011 staff.
we have spent five weeks together now. i'm pretty sure all of us would agree they haven't been easy. not all of us know why. i'm not totally sure either(but i have plenty of my own reasons). but there are two verses that i've thought a lot on this summer. i know yall have all heard both of them over and over, but just think about how they relate to camp.
both of them use a word that i think would describe all of us.
isaiah 40:30-31--
even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall. but those who hope in the Lord will find new strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
galatians 6:9--
let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
how many of you are weary? i am. and that's a big deal. ask anyone who worked with me in the past. i am never this low in june. (it's usually late july that i start to burn out) but the point is, all of us are. we're weary.
i was thinking about us a LOT while i was gone. i missed us. i missed hugs and notes and laughing about our girls, and somehow, i even missed all the stupid drama that i hate so much. it was weird, but only because i had expected to be glad to get away from that part of it. and i decided that it's because i love everyone too much to not be there for it. i feel like i abandoned everybody. (i totally could have waited until friday to go to the doctor, i don't even have strep!)
the point is. we're family. no matter whether it's a good day or a bad day, i love you guys. and we're gonna stick it out no matter how tired or frustrated we are. no giving up allowed. we still have a whole half a summer left together.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
beauty.
i have used the word "difficult" more times this summer than i have at any other time in my life. and this week was the second most difficult one i've ever had.
my campers were difficult. the staff were difficult. having no energy, not being able to sleep at night, having to deal with a camper situation that i've always prayed never to have, and ending the week by getting so sick that i actually volunteered to take a few days off...difficult, difficult, difficult.
camp is hard. it's not supposed to be. it's never been this way before. i don't understand it.
i've never had to force myself so hard to find the beauty underneath it all. and i hate that most days, i'm just too tired or discouraged to look for it.
but when i do look around, i find it.
in a hug or an encouraging note from one of my wonderful sisters, given to me at just the right moment.
in a story from another more fortunate cabin leader of a girl who wants to be a missionary.
in a little girl who realizes for the first time that God has a plan for her.
in two minutes of silence outside.
in the perfect song shuffling onto my ipod.
in an old friend being able to remind me of the crap we've survived before, and helping me through everything going on now.
everyone is worried about me. i've gotten as many notes this week as i do on my birthday. i'm home right now, so i'm of course miserable. i'm bored, i feel terrible, i'm on so many different medicines at once i feel like a drug addict, and dadGUM i miss my friends. i'm also pretty mad that i had to get sick for mother-daughter minicamp; i look forward to that all year. it's so fun and easy.
but missing everything so much is a relief. someone told me before i left that she was afraid i would realize how easy life was outside of camp and not want to come back. nope. i would hate my life if i weren't at camp. i'd live in my house, i'd be working at domino's, and i would never see anyone since my friends at home will never drive to see me. if anything, this is reminding me how much i love camp.
plus. remember how i said about staff orientation and my first week that satan was all over me? he may have given me a break the second week, but he's back and worse than ever now. then today, i was opening a cough drop and i look at the wrapper. you know how hall's says they're a pep talk in every drop? this one was from God. it said "get back in there champ."
that's what i'm gonna do. i cannot wait to be home with my family and my kids. and by that, i of course mean at camp with my staff and my campers.
my campers were difficult. the staff were difficult. having no energy, not being able to sleep at night, having to deal with a camper situation that i've always prayed never to have, and ending the week by getting so sick that i actually volunteered to take a few days off...difficult, difficult, difficult.
camp is hard. it's not supposed to be. it's never been this way before. i don't understand it.
i've never had to force myself so hard to find the beauty underneath it all. and i hate that most days, i'm just too tired or discouraged to look for it.
but when i do look around, i find it.
in a hug or an encouraging note from one of my wonderful sisters, given to me at just the right moment.
in a story from another more fortunate cabin leader of a girl who wants to be a missionary.
in a little girl who realizes for the first time that God has a plan for her.
in two minutes of silence outside.
in the perfect song shuffling onto my ipod.
in an old friend being able to remind me of the crap we've survived before, and helping me through everything going on now.
everyone is worried about me. i've gotten as many notes this week as i do on my birthday. i'm home right now, so i'm of course miserable. i'm bored, i feel terrible, i'm on so many different medicines at once i feel like a drug addict, and dadGUM i miss my friends. i'm also pretty mad that i had to get sick for mother-daughter minicamp; i look forward to that all year. it's so fun and easy.
but missing everything so much is a relief. someone told me before i left that she was afraid i would realize how easy life was outside of camp and not want to come back. nope. i would hate my life if i weren't at camp. i'd live in my house, i'd be working at domino's, and i would never see anyone since my friends at home will never drive to see me. if anything, this is reminding me how much i love camp.
plus. remember how i said about staff orientation and my first week that satan was all over me? he may have given me a break the second week, but he's back and worse than ever now. then today, i was opening a cough drop and i look at the wrapper. you know how hall's says they're a pep talk in every drop? this one was from God. it said "get back in there champ."
that's what i'm gonna do. i cannot wait to be home with my family and my kids. and by that, i of course mean at camp with my staff and my campers.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
"...for a camper is a miracle who will soon become a part of your life."
i think my favorite part of coming back every year is watching my campers grow up.
my first summer, my unit leader would tell me every time i cried about a group of girls leaving, that i was now a part of every one of their lives. i didn't understand what she meant at the time. but i get it a little more each year.
i have a few who have come every year i've been here. some i don't even recognize because they've gotten so big. i feel like a grandma when i talk about what they were like in 3rd grade(but i figure it makes them feel special). there are some who have been in my cabin for multiple years, and i love seeing how they've changed, listening to them in bible study, or just watching how they act now. some will be crazy and loud and drive me out of my mind one year, then come back the next year and be calmer and quieter, and i'll miss their louder self.
i really am a part of these girls lives. just like my old staffers are still part of mine, simply because i remember the impact they had on me. and i'm pretty sure that even if they can't remember my name, or some of the things we did their week, they'll remember that crazy cabin leader they once had, who cried on friday when their mom took them away from me.
one of my girls this week told me on friday morning "you really do love us, like for real, don't you?" it wasn't a question. she knew the answer. i can only think of a few staffers that i had as a camper who i would say that about. i wanted to be just like them when i grew up; and i guess i did it.
that is insane. i am unbelievably blessed.
my first summer, my unit leader would tell me every time i cried about a group of girls leaving, that i was now a part of every one of their lives. i didn't understand what she meant at the time. but i get it a little more each year.
i have a few who have come every year i've been here. some i don't even recognize because they've gotten so big. i feel like a grandma when i talk about what they were like in 3rd grade(but i figure it makes them feel special). there are some who have been in my cabin for multiple years, and i love seeing how they've changed, listening to them in bible study, or just watching how they act now. some will be crazy and loud and drive me out of my mind one year, then come back the next year and be calmer and quieter, and i'll miss their louder self.
i really am a part of these girls lives. just like my old staffers are still part of mine, simply because i remember the impact they had on me. and i'm pretty sure that even if they can't remember my name, or some of the things we did their week, they'll remember that crazy cabin leader they once had, who cried on friday when their mom took them away from me.
one of my girls this week told me on friday morning "you really do love us, like for real, don't you?" it wasn't a question. she knew the answer. i can only think of a few staffers that i had as a camper who i would say that about. i wanted to be just like them when i grew up; and i guess i did it.
that is insane. i am unbelievably blessed.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
high of 75.
this week was beautiful. in every sense of the word.
and okay, it was a little warmer than 75. but it was in the pretty low 90s and there was this constant perfect breeze.
i had the absolutely too wonderful to be true cabin. all my girls were so much fun, but they'd put their craziness on pause in a split second anytime i started to say something. they did everything i asked right away, not that i even needed to ask them very often to quiet down and go to sleep, or to do their cabin capers job, or clean their tables after meals, or anything that my last group i would have had to tell 14 times. they LOVED bible study, and not only listened, but had things to say, and never complained about any part of it. they were quiet in rest time, they never talked after lights out(unless you count thursday night when they kept asking me to sing one more song), there was no drama between buddies, they all made friends and were promising each other on the last day to keep in touch, and i had one who reminded me so much of myself as a camper that it was almost scary.
i found time for so many good conversations with random staff(yes, without neglecting my job!!).
i got in Jesus time every single day.
we had CHURROS. i got 4 of em.
and i felt good all week. i remember why i'm here, how much i love it, and the kind of stuff God has in store for the rest of the summer, and i couldn't be happier. i've almost found that rhythm i was in last summer.
"and it's funny how you find you enjoy your life, when you're happy to be alive."
this next week is a full camp!! i can't wait for unit 3, and the empty tables in the dining hall, and chairs in the multipurpose building to be filled like the glory days when i was a camper. pray that we'll work well with our new mundo staffers and returning staff who are coming back to help us out, and that we'll all be prepared for this many campers. pray that we'll focus first on God, then on the campers, and then on encouraging each other. and pray for the 200 girls getting ready right now, that God will rock their worlds this week!
and okay, it was a little warmer than 75. but it was in the pretty low 90s and there was this constant perfect breeze.
i had the absolutely too wonderful to be true cabin. all my girls were so much fun, but they'd put their craziness on pause in a split second anytime i started to say something. they did everything i asked right away, not that i even needed to ask them very often to quiet down and go to sleep, or to do their cabin capers job, or clean their tables after meals, or anything that my last group i would have had to tell 14 times. they LOVED bible study, and not only listened, but had things to say, and never complained about any part of it. they were quiet in rest time, they never talked after lights out(unless you count thursday night when they kept asking me to sing one more song), there was no drama between buddies, they all made friends and were promising each other on the last day to keep in touch, and i had one who reminded me so much of myself as a camper that it was almost scary.
i found time for so many good conversations with random staff(yes, without neglecting my job!!).
i got in Jesus time every single day.
we had CHURROS. i got 4 of em.
and i felt good all week. i remember why i'm here, how much i love it, and the kind of stuff God has in store for the rest of the summer, and i couldn't be happier. i've almost found that rhythm i was in last summer.
"and it's funny how you find you enjoy your life, when you're happy to be alive."
this next week is a full camp!! i can't wait for unit 3, and the empty tables in the dining hall, and chairs in the multipurpose building to be filled like the glory days when i was a camper. pray that we'll work well with our new mundo staffers and returning staff who are coming back to help us out, and that we'll all be prepared for this many campers. pray that we'll focus first on God, then on the campers, and then on encouraging each other. and pray for the 200 girls getting ready right now, that God will rock their worlds this week!
Friday, June 17, 2011
midlife crisis=over.
[from the week of june 6-10]
i haven't been myself. i'll tell the whole story in my end-of-the-summer post. but for now, just know that it's so far been an off summer. i call it a mid-career crisis; i'm still shooting for ten years here so i'm hoping this is the middle but early.
i have myself figured out now though. remember how everyone has been quoting my principle of "don't make God a part of your summer, make yourself part of God's summer"? i had planned on practicing what i preached, i really had...i just didn't realize that i had my own little agenda along with that. and when it started falling in, i lost it.
God isn't a fan of my need to have a plan and know what's coming next. so when i set a whole bunch of expectations, he will 99% of the time shake them up and give me something completely different. i wouldn't say that he disappoints me, but it always throws me for a while and i whine at him until i figure out that everything turned out for the wonderful.
it took me much longer than it should have to throw out MY plan for the summer and accept HIS way. i still have a whole lot of doubts about everything, but i have the strength to fight it now.
ok. stories.
this was a difficult group. i loved each of them individually but having this many wild-child-types in one cabin is not my favorite. but on thursday for decision night, one of my worst ones writes on her card that she wants to be a missionary. i didn't expect it to be legit, but as always i took her aside to talk to her, and she opens with "i just feel like i've been ignoring what God wants, but now i'm ready to listen. and i know he wants me to go share his love with people for the rest of my life." this child is in 4th grade, by the way. and she's talking like a 20 year-old about how much God has her hurting for people who don't know him.
and for the funnier side, i always have at least one camper a week that asks me about my ring. so this week i'm walking my adventure rec group to the field, and one of my girls asks "miss linda are you married?" and i said no, and she asks why i have a ring on, and i say i'm married to Jesus(how else do you explain a purity ring to a 3rd grader?)and she asks if i have a boyfriend and i say "no, i don't need boys" and she asks "do you wanna marry one?" and i say well yeah, someday, and then another one jumps in and says "well just make sure you don't wait until you're 50!" and i ask why, and she says "cuz you'll look all nasty and no one will want you!"
then thursday night was the best. our international missionary did a worship service for our "staff meeting", and it was everything i needed. camper worship is all well and good, but it was so good for all of us to have our own distraction free time with God and each other and listen to jason say awesome things that are this time directed to us. not that we didn't love his talks for the kids. he was such a blessing this week.
i'm not used to camp being this much of a challenge. i'm not usually so tired. i don't usually have to fight so hard to squeeze some Jesus into these girls(i guess because i usually have more of him in me). satan is just attacking me all over the place and i am so much weaker than i thought i was. but i feel like God will step in soon.
i love my job. i do, i do. i still can't believe i forgot that.
i haven't been myself. i'll tell the whole story in my end-of-the-summer post. but for now, just know that it's so far been an off summer. i call it a mid-career crisis; i'm still shooting for ten years here so i'm hoping this is the middle but early.
i have myself figured out now though. remember how everyone has been quoting my principle of "don't make God a part of your summer, make yourself part of God's summer"? i had planned on practicing what i preached, i really had...i just didn't realize that i had my own little agenda along with that. and when it started falling in, i lost it.
God isn't a fan of my need to have a plan and know what's coming next. so when i set a whole bunch of expectations, he will 99% of the time shake them up and give me something completely different. i wouldn't say that he disappoints me, but it always throws me for a while and i whine at him until i figure out that everything turned out for the wonderful.
it took me much longer than it should have to throw out MY plan for the summer and accept HIS way. i still have a whole lot of doubts about everything, but i have the strength to fight it now.
ok. stories.
this was a difficult group. i loved each of them individually but having this many wild-child-types in one cabin is not my favorite. but on thursday for decision night, one of my worst ones writes on her card that she wants to be a missionary. i didn't expect it to be legit, but as always i took her aside to talk to her, and she opens with "i just feel like i've been ignoring what God wants, but now i'm ready to listen. and i know he wants me to go share his love with people for the rest of my life." this child is in 4th grade, by the way. and she's talking like a 20 year-old about how much God has her hurting for people who don't know him.
and for the funnier side, i always have at least one camper a week that asks me about my ring. so this week i'm walking my adventure rec group to the field, and one of my girls asks "miss linda are you married?" and i said no, and she asks why i have a ring on, and i say i'm married to Jesus(how else do you explain a purity ring to a 3rd grader?)and she asks if i have a boyfriend and i say "no, i don't need boys" and she asks "do you wanna marry one?" and i say well yeah, someday, and then another one jumps in and says "well just make sure you don't wait until you're 50!" and i ask why, and she says "cuz you'll look all nasty and no one will want you!"
then thursday night was the best. our international missionary did a worship service for our "staff meeting", and it was everything i needed. camper worship is all well and good, but it was so good for all of us to have our own distraction free time with God and each other and listen to jason say awesome things that are this time directed to us. not that we didn't love his talks for the kids. he was such a blessing this week.
i'm not used to camp being this much of a challenge. i'm not usually so tired. i don't usually have to fight so hard to squeeze some Jesus into these girls(i guess because i usually have more of him in me). satan is just attacking me all over the place and i am so much weaker than i thought i was. but i feel like God will step in soon.
i love my job. i do, i do. i still can't believe i forgot that.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
"i am the dog???"
i decided to have a separate blog for camp stories, as there will be a lot of them. i'll only be able to update on weekends of course, but i plan on writing throughout the week and dumping them all on everyone as soon as i get my computer back in my hands.
i figure everyone is confused by the title. the reasoning is three-fold.
1. this is a, i guess the right word would be "strange", summer. it's different, almost too much so. i don't really feel at home here right now. it was only last night that i got closure about it and found i could handle it. there will be more later. but since the term "dog days" is talking about the hot days in the summer when you're dragging and don't feel like doing anything, i figured that described where i am in my little "career" here. i'm definitely dragging. i am not on top of my game and i don't want campers to come tomorrow. i am scared to death of what this could mean. so, these are my dog days and this is where i will write about them.
2. the lighter side of it is that i'm learning more ways every day that i am like a dog. i wrote this analogy when warning the new staff about my, er, exuberant personality.
you know how when you go to someone's house for the first time and they have an extremely jumpy but totally harmless dog? it won't hurt you, it just gets excited, and then when it calms down it just loves everybody? well, camp is like the house, and i'm like the dog.
so then tuesday night, claire and tori and me were sitting in cabin 7, and claire mentions one word about going outside to run, and i get all excited and jump up to go, and the whole room busts out laughing and say i'm like a little puppy that wants to go play.
finally last night, me and cici were talking, and i was getting better and she pointed out more little comparisons.
dogs are loyal. they love people. they hate to be alone. they never run out of energy. they're always ready to play. kids love them. they have really expressive eyes that you can always look at and tell what they're feeling. they stay puppies on the inside for a long, long time.
and they cry when their masters leave them.
that last one was one i had never thought of, ever. but it's the most true one.
3. and for a totally unrelated-to-camp reason, i had the song 'dog days are over' by florence and the machine stuck in my head when i was contemplating titles, so that helped.
i figure everyone is confused by the title. the reasoning is three-fold.
1. this is a, i guess the right word would be "strange", summer. it's different, almost too much so. i don't really feel at home here right now. it was only last night that i got closure about it and found i could handle it. there will be more later. but since the term "dog days" is talking about the hot days in the summer when you're dragging and don't feel like doing anything, i figured that described where i am in my little "career" here. i'm definitely dragging. i am not on top of my game and i don't want campers to come tomorrow. i am scared to death of what this could mean. so, these are my dog days and this is where i will write about them.
2. the lighter side of it is that i'm learning more ways every day that i am like a dog. i wrote this analogy when warning the new staff about my, er, exuberant personality.
you know how when you go to someone's house for the first time and they have an extremely jumpy but totally harmless dog? it won't hurt you, it just gets excited, and then when it calms down it just loves everybody? well, camp is like the house, and i'm like the dog.
so then tuesday night, claire and tori and me were sitting in cabin 7, and claire mentions one word about going outside to run, and i get all excited and jump up to go, and the whole room busts out laughing and say i'm like a little puppy that wants to go play.
finally last night, me and cici were talking, and i was getting better and she pointed out more little comparisons.
dogs are loyal. they love people. they hate to be alone. they never run out of energy. they're always ready to play. kids love them. they have really expressive eyes that you can always look at and tell what they're feeling. they stay puppies on the inside for a long, long time.
and they cry when their masters leave them.
that last one was one i had never thought of, ever. but it's the most true one.
3. and for a totally unrelated-to-camp reason, i had the song 'dog days are over' by florence and the machine stuck in my head when i was contemplating titles, so that helped.
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