all different, but all the same.

one of my favorite parts of working at camp is seeing how creative God is, in that every single girl that comes into my cabin is unique. obviously i know no two people are just alike, but you really really start to understand that here. the best part of it is that the longer i'm here, the more i feel like i should see some repeats, and while there are a lot that i say "she is JUST like so and so from last week," even those are still their own person. it's like there's a lot of types of personalities but each girl is different in it. it's so cool getting to know each of them and seeing what's special about them.

but there are at least two things that are true about every camper, no matter how drastically different from any child you've ever met in your life.

1. every camper is in YOUR cabin for a reason.

God has a plan. and each girl is part of that. there are some who you'll ask yourself "WHY did i get this one..." and there are some who you don't even give a thought to it. but God is going to use you in some way, whether big or small, in each girl's life. isn't that cool?

2. every camper is special.

i know you know this, obviously. yes it's a cliche, but i wish it wasn't because it's so important. i really started thinking about this one day in my philosophy class this semester, we talked about the image of God and how even though we're each made in the same image, we all have a unique way of reflecting that image(from our personality traits to our gifts to anything else). different aspects of God are stronger in different people. and even in a nine year old, you can see these things. a girl who's really compassionate, or a good artist, or thinks of good ideas, all of those are ways they're like God.

a lot of girls will come in not realizing this. they've heard all the time that they ARE special, but so many of them don't believe it. it's so great to be able to show them WHY they're special. helping them understand how God made them who they are for a reason. i won't start telling whole stories because i have too many of them, but it's a beautiful thing to see a shy, insecure girl go home saying she can't wait to go back to school and be herself, or a really smart girl who had thought of herself as a geek and a loser leave camp knowing that people think that's cool about her.

those are the two main ones i thought of. then there are at least four things every camper needs.

1. every campers needs you.

again, God put them in your cabin for a reason. there's something about you that is just what that girl needs.

but she needs you in a simpler, more general way too. you're the one getting her places. you're the one she goes to when she has a problem. you're the keeper of the money bags, the one with the answers, her mom for a week. you're the most vital person in that girl's life for her time at camp.

you'll have at least one difficult camper who acts like they want nothing to do with you. but they still need you, whether you or they will admit it or not.

2. every camper needs to be loved.

some need it more than others. some need it in different ways. but every one of them needs love, whether she's a good little church girl from a wonderful family who shows her every day how loved she is, or she's from a broken home where her mom and stepdad favor her sister while she herself is never told how precious she is.

it's not always easy. and you'll never be perfectly loving to every girl every second. that's okay.

some are easier to love than others. you'll have at least one difficult camper that you just do not like. and that's okay. but you have to love them. you may need to constantly tell yourself to love them, but that's okay too.

if you wake up every morning and make a conscious choice to love every girl in your cabin no matter what, it will make the biggest difference.

again, each one is special. watching and finding HOW they each need to be loved and finding ways to love them that way is one of the best things you can do for them(it's not as much work as it sounds, i just mean little things you might notice. for instance, if one of them is always hugging you, that's probably their love language. a high five or a pat on the back when they do a good job at something will mean the world to them)

if they all go home thinking they were your favorite, you've done a good job. but that's not enough.

not only do we get to personally love them, but we get to show them real love. if all your girls go home thinking "because of how my staffer loved me, i understand better how God loves me" then you've done a great job.

that's what camp is all about, when it comes down to it. just love your girls, and everything else falls into place.

i have a whole post about that in my drafts that i should finish; so that's all i have to say here.

3. every camper needs to feel accepted.

being in a cabin full of girls can be hard for some of them. they want to fit in, make friends, and feel wanted. that starts with you, because if they see you making everyone feel special no matter who they are, then they want to treat everyone like that too.

and i guess really, we get to teach them a lot about grace. just by how we act. being patient with the loud ones who won't hush during rest time, or the slow ones who take ten minutes to put their shoes on. giving them second chances when they don't do something right the first time, like a job in cabin capers or reading out loud in Bible study.

this ties into loving them no matter what. and the finding how each one is special.

4. every camper needs to know God better.

that's probably the biggest and most obvious thing i've said so far. but it's also the most important.

don't take for granted that all of your girls know who God is. the vast majority of them do come from churches, and they've heard about him plenty. but not all of them really know God. and for the ones who do, we're here to deepen their understanding of him.

camp is about God, for God, because of God. we can give our campers the most fun week of their lives and send them home feeling good about themselves, but if we haven't been Jesus to them, we haven't done our job.

so they're all the same in all those ways. and it sounds like i'm contradicting myself to say "here are all the same ways in which they're different" but that's the only way i can think of to get to my next point. =p
(the same things i thought off are more deep, but my list of different things is mostly practical.)

1. every camper thinks differently.

remember this when you're explaining anything. whether it's a simple thing like how to do a job in cabin capers, or something more serious like a concept in Bible study, not all of them learn or understand things the same way.

2. every camper likes different things.

we'll be teaching you a lot of kinds of games for this reason. not all your girls will want to spend their down time in the cabin the same way, so vary the little fun things you do, let different girls take turns picking things, etc etc.

shower time is the best example of this. some will want to be in the middle of everything, others are happy to sit on their bunks and do something quietly by themselves. sometimes going off alone is a sign of homesickness, and you'll want to watch this carefully the first night or two. but once you start to get a feel for all the personalities in the group, you'll see who's naturally quiet and calm, who likes thinking games, who likes fast-paced games, etc etc.

3. every camper responds to you differently.

some are much more open and tell you all day long that you're the best and they love you. but others admire you from a distance. don't think that because one of your girls doesn't talk to you all the time or much at all that they don't like you; they're just different. you(most probably) haven't done anything wrong, it's just their personality.

in another sense, some are more sensitive than others. we have to be really careful how we talk to them; there's so much in our tone that we don't realize. you may not feel like you're yelling, but some girls might think you are. and it's really hard(don't i know it), but you have to watch your sarcasm. they don't always get it, especially younger girls.

this falls in with homesickness a lot. some methods work with some girls but not with others. they'll all take them differently.

4. every camper responds to God differently.

just because a girl hasn't talked a lot in Bible study, liked quiet time much, or made a big decision on thursday night, doesn't mean they aren't learning. some either aren't as open about it or are less mature than others.

a lot of this depends on what they already know or what they've been taught. i once had a girl who thought she wasn't supposed to ask questions about God so she hadn't raised her hand in Bible study at all(but she'd wanted to a lot of times).

don't get discouraged; God is at work even if you can't see it.

but no matter how alike or how different all of them are, we get to love them and have fun with them and get to know them for a week, and it's the best thing ever. you're gonna love it. =]

challenge for the old staff, and reassurance for the new staff.

being new is scary. really really scary. no matter how prepared you think you are, no matter how many years you came as a camper, everyone has at least one period of time where they're at least a little panicked.
we understand. we were all there once.
last year, carrie told me the old staff are one of the most intimidating parts of coming to camp for the first time. i was shocked and asked how in the world did she mean.
but it actually totally makes sense.
-we've been here before. whether it's our second, fifth, or twelfth summer, we're still way more experienced than someone who has no idea what to expect.
-we know each other. there's that lingering thought of "will i fit in?"
-we know about everything already.

so i'm writing this to refute each of these. not denying them, because i mean they're all partly true. but here's why all of them actually play to your advantage as a new staffer.

-we know each other.
yes! exactly! we've had whole summers together. we've seen the good, the bad and the ugly of each other. and that is why YOU are more interesting! we don't know you at all yet. and we want to. not that we don't love each other, but we get really excited about new people. time isn't any kind of factor here; last year one of the new staff became one of my best friends within a week. these things are normal in camp world.
the best part about the camp world is that everyone "fits in." just like it is for the campers, it's a place where all of us get to be exactly what we are and be loved by everyone around us for it. people who would never give each other a second thought in the real world end up best friends at camp. lonely outcasts in the real world are the most popular people on staff. just another reason why camp is the most beautiful place in the world.
camp is like a big, weird, awesome family. every year i've been here, we've pulled the new staff right in and by the end of orientation(sometimes the end of the first day!) we're saying we feel like we've known each other forever. it's so great. so don't worry, it's not like one of those summer camp movies from the 90s where the old staff are all super jerks. we actually want you here.
-we've been here before.
yes we have. which means at one point, we were where you are! we were you once. nervous, full of questions, not knowing what to expect. so since we know how you feel, we want you to get comfortable as quick as possible so you'll love camp as much as we do! please please don't worry about us.
-we know everything already.
okay no one knows evvvverything. even heather smith(who holds the record of nine summers) didn't know everything. with that being said, yes we do know what we're doing, but that makes us the perfect people to help you! we don't expect you to know things on your own, or get annoyed when you don't know what's going on. ask us all the questions you want all day long. we like it; it makes us feel cool and important. or maybe that's just me. ;] half the fun of being a veteran is being there for yall, so don't be scared to come to any of us. we love you and we're happy you're here.

throwing in my personal opinion: new staff are better than old ones. during orientation week, i pretty much don't exist to the old staff because i'm having too much fun making new friends.

basically: it's okay to be nervous, but you don't need to be terrified. we're here for you! you're gonna love it here. =]

who's left?

i was looking at all my staff pictures from each year. and seeing who from each is still here.

from 2008:
me and hope

2009:
me and hope and emily G

2010:
me and hope and emily G and tori and rebecca B and leah T

2011:
me and hope and emily G and tori and kathleen and brittany and erin and chana and AK and carrie and corbitt and bobo

(leah and rebecca weren't there last year except for a week or two. that's why they're only in the 2010 list.)
out of the 91 full time staff i've worked with,78 are gone.
that's a lot of ghosts.
there are some people who stay with me forever. they may not still work with me, but i see little bits of them all around camp. staff house 4. stage left in the multipurpose building. the dock at the lake. the lifeguard stand at the deep end. the cit bunk in cabin 7. the front doors of the dining hall. the volleyball net.
new places get added every year. the cabin leader bed in cabin 6. the unit 1 building. the backstage room.
i'm pretty sure every part of camp makes me think of a different person if i really think...but this is bumming me out and i'd much rather focus on happy things(like going back in FIVE days!!!!!!!) so i'm done with this for now.
but really. no one ever leaves until the last person who remembers them leaves. (which means lucy will be here for the next twenty years)
just a thought.

thank God you're here.

when i was a camper, monday morning at registration always made or broke my week. i had a list in my head of staff who just HAD to be there. the older i got, the better i got at predicting who'd be back and who would have moved on. all i could think about on the drive to camp was which of my important people would be there. as i walked around camp throughout the day, i'd keep my eye out for certain people, and have one of my happy freakouts every time i ran into one of them. but by the end of the day, there were always a few missing.
i found last summer that i wasn't alone in this.
yes, this is another of those stories that begins with "i've got this camper..."
her name...doesn't matter. i'll call her M.
M has never been in my cabin. she's one of those extra randoms who latched onto me for reasons i don't remember or understand. but she's come every year i've worked. and every year, she does the same thing when she sees me. she runs and jumps into my arms and says "i didn't know you'd be here this year!!"
and every year, she's more excited than the last.
last year was the best. it was the last week, and i had seen on the registration list that she'd be there(which had made me happy because i had been wondering if she was coming). so i kept my eye out for her all day, and for once i saw her before she saw me. at dinner time, i was already sitting down, facing the door like i always do on the first day, so i can see anyone come in who i haven't seen already. finally, with one of the last cabin groups, M walks in, and she's looking around frantically, and i'm guessing she's looking for me. i stood up to go see her, and as soon as i did, she saw me and came running down the aisle between unit 1 and 2's tables, jumped on me harder than she ever has(probably because she's obviously a little bigger than the year before), and screamed in my face "i thought i'd NEVER see you again!!!!!!! i looked for you ALL day and i was so sad but you're HERE!" i asked her "where else would i go?" she thought really hard and finally said "i don't know. but i didn't think you'd be HERE!"
when she left on friday, she asked me "will you ever not come back to camp? i figure you have to get a real job someday, so every year i wonder if maybe you got one. that's why i get so surprised when i see you."
and then i realized, i was M once.
i was a smart camper. i may have been an obnoxious one and among the loudest ones, but i was still smart. i knew my staffers were "real people" and that they wouldn't be there all my life. i always wished i had some way of knowing who would leave me each year. and i wondered if they cared. when they decided whether or not to come back, did they think about me? i didn't expect their whole decision to hinge on me, but i wondered if i crossed their mind at all.
so i sat M down, and i told her what i wished someone had told me as a camper. i said "well, i will have to get a real job someday. but for now, i love camp too much to do that. and if i ever think about not coming back, i get really sad and think about my girls that i'd want to see every year, so i don't think about it much."
and after that long speech, all she had to say was "so are you coming back next year or what?"
i told her to come back and see, and she said "well, if i came back and you weren't here, i'd be so sad. so i might not come back if i knew you weren't coming." so i told her i wanted her to come back no matter what, promised she'd have great staffers whether i came back or not, then hugged her goodbye and sent her away before i cried.

every year when i get officially hired and start thinking of all my campers that i'll get to see, i think of M. and just like she does with me, i wonder if she's outgrown camp yet.
i have a feeling that, just like me, she never will. =]

much longer or not half that long?

five years. 48 weeks. close to 400 days. on august 10th, that's how long i will have been at camp.
last weekend i got together with a bunch of camp friends, and we were talking about camp(of course), and hope says to me "this is our FIFTH year. can you believe it?"
depending on the day, i can. sometimes it feels like so much longer. i've seen so much happen, so many people come and go. has it really only been five years?(or for now, only four)
but most of the time, i can't. five years is so long. so few people have lasted this long, and most of them were like 23. but now i'm one of them. is this real life?
seriously. five summers. since thinking about camp always makes me feel young, i always forget how much younger i used to be(that was a really dumb sentence but it made sense in my head so just go with it) until i look at pictures. then i can see it.

this is me when i was a little baby.

okay so i wasn't a baby but i WAS sixteen. if i were cindy i wouldn't have hired me, if for no other reason than the fact that i looked twelve.
i thought i knew everything back then. i had been a camper for five years, i should know exactly what a good staffer is, right?
but i didn't even know what camp was.

this is me when i was a slightly bigger baby.

back in the day when i constituted half of snorgtees.com's business.
i miss you emily T!
that year, i really thought i knew everything. i had been a camper AND i had worked there. there were people older than me who knew less than i did.
but i still didn't know what camp was.

this is me when i was not such a baby but still a kid.

that is one of my favorite MKs ever. me and amber fought over her that entire explore group.
i was finally a cabin leader, finally not one of the very youngest(i was in the lower half, but the top of that. upper middle class?), and finally i realized that i didn't know what i was doing at all. because now i knew what camp was.

and this is me when i was, well yesterday. almost.

and that's one of my sweet campers who is now about to be on staff. (adding to my feeling old! all my kids are growing up, make them stop!)
i didn't know, until it was over, how beautiful that summer was. i learned so much and i learned it all the hard way.

and now, i'm 30 days away from my fifth summer. five is a huge number. my four heroes lasted three, three and a half, four, and four and a half years each. if i survive this one, i will have beaten them. that is big and scary.
i've gone from baby CIT knowitall to actual real veteran. i always knew i'd be at camp for a long time, but i never knew i'd make it this far. i remember the assistant business manager my first year telling me that if i was here at sixteen, i'd be the assistant director by twenty-one. i laughed at that. and i still do; that would be the worst job in the world, no offense to cindy(she understands). if God had come to me on june 2, 2008 and told me what all he would do in the next five years, i would have laughed and been terrified all at the same time.
habakkuk 1:5 is one of my favorite verses.
"...i am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."
God has already done a lot of those somethings. and even after they've happened, i still don't believe them.
i can't wait to see what somethings he'll do this time around.