i miss camp today.
[side note: something they said in chapel the other day got me singing if you love jesus. while i hate that song and had happily forgotten its existence, it sparked a flood of camp memories and i went straight to my room and cried for the first time in weeks.]
they said at the end of the summer "you'll leave a piece of your heart here when you drive out that gate." now i'm thinking, maybe that's why i miss it so much more than everyone else. i leave my whole heart there and count down the days until i can come back to pick it up.
my heart hurts when i try to explain it to people. i'm already better at putting things into written words than spoken ones, but for something to be so big that i can't even write about it, means it has to be pretty huge. so it shouldn't shock me as much as it does to see that no one understands. no matter how many summers i'm gone for, no matter how many weekends i come home with more amazing stories to share, they don't get it. the worst was one point in the middle of the summer, when i was talking to a friend who will remain unnamed, and i was venting about some things going on, and she replied to my rant with "you need to get out of that camp, it's not good for you." oh no she didn't...
replaying this conversation in my head makes me want to cry. for several reasons.
first off. you do NOT refer to my personal heaven as "that camp." those are fighting words.
secondly. true enough, you do have to experience camp la vida to really know the beauty of it, but how can they not even have a HINT of what it's done for me, what it means to me, how many lives God changes through it every year, etc etc etc? even the things that happen that i hate, i see as part of the perfect puzzle that is a summer at camp. and to still love it as much as i do, when so many other people leave because of the bad stuff, just shows me more that it's where God wants me. if you've seen how happy i am there, you wouldn't dare say it was anything but good for me.
and finally, my friends at home do in fact mean more to me than anyone i'll ever meet at camp. i am not there for the staff. if i were, i would have quit july 6, 2008 then and there. i am there because of my girls. there's nothing like getting to know them,watching over them for a week, and becoming a small part of their life. i love them so much and i love seeing them grow in Christ. especially the ones that keep coming back year after year, seeing how they've grown up a little bit, having them come and tell you how they missed you over the past year. the idea of being to them what my cabin leaders were to me is incredible(and a little scary), and i wouldn't give any of that up for anything.
so to answer any questions, of COURSE i plan on going back next summer unless God calls me(okay, more like drags me, kicking and screaming) to serve him someplace else. i don't care what i'm missing at home. i don't care that i'll be away from my other friends. i love you guys, but it's camp. no one who claims to care about me would try to keep me away from it.
anyone who understands this is so far away. i want a great big, classic 3 second camp style hug, and a SP note, and maybe even a day with the awesome cone, with a round of "if you love jesus" playing in the background of all of it. but i can't have that for another 250 days.
