no words.

i've never been good at writing about camp. it's just too big.
but i got much worse this summer.
i think camp is like a little sibling. it'll always be with me, whether i like it or not. when i grow up, it grows with me. when i say i hate it, i still love it. i'm just made to love it.
and i do. i never ever stopped. i hate that i didn't realize until summer ended that it's ok to sometimes not LIKE it. i spent too much time wondering if i still loved it and freaking out about how to like it again, and not half enough time just trusting that loving it and doing my job right.
it's like scott. i love him. (although in his case it's not so much the he's-my-brother-and-i'm-biologically-programmed-to kind, more the he's-my-best-friend-and-the-coolest-person-in-the-world kind) anyways. i love him all the time, but sometimes i don't like him. at all. and when that happens, i don't sit and freak out and think "holy crap what's wrong with me, do i not love him? but i WANT to love him, i am SUPPOSED to love him" blah blah blah. it's just part of life. of course i love him; i'm just sick of him. in time, i'll get un-sick of him.
so why do i not treat camp that way? why is it that when things get hard there, i lose my mind and wonder why i don't like it?